Would they be willing to go?

I'm afraid
to ask
if they
could go
to our house
on my birthday

It started when he told me,
"Hey, you have friends. And you go to their house or wherever they are for them...no matter how far it may be. Whether they are sick or it's their birthday or for friendly gatherings, you go. But who among them are willing to go here for you?"

Slap! Why did he even ask? I enjoy going to my friends' house. It makes me happy to be with them on special days and on bad days. I love meeting their family. It somehow gives me a sense of belongingness... Char!  But more than that, I really love to make people feel happy and special.

I enjoy making cards, banners and the likes. I love writing letters. I really take an effort for the people I love. (I just failed when I was too busy last month + deppression stage).

So why did he ask? Why did it affect me? Is it really important to think about that?

The first questions shouldn't be dealt on too much. Hmmm... For the second one, I guess it's because I'm afraid of rejection. I know how far our home is from my friends in Taytay and in Bulacan...and I heard some of them complained when once asked to go here. I understand those hanash...and I don't want to compare it to what I can do for them. We have different commitments/sitiations/schedules/etc. And I don't do things to get something back. I do it because I want to.

I was afraid to ask maybe because I don't want to be a burden to anybody...and it would hurt to know if I am...though I really would understand.

I have friends nearby. I could ask them to go. But my friends from afar are also special. Well, I was told "You treasure people too much."  Ohhh...is that a compliment? I do not know. But another person told me before, "everything that's more than enough is not good."  Hmmm... Is it really everything? What about love? What about the love of God? :)

Is it important to think about these things? Hmmm...Yes, to resolve conflicts inside my heart.  And yes, to ponder. I have no one but myself and God ... oh, and you... to tell these things, too... Oh, how could I be too reserved on my thoughts and feelings. Haha.

I will be adding up another year, will they be able to go?

Anything goes.
Whatever happens
life goes on.
Keep loving! :)

Kaibigan | 02

Kumusta ka na?
Okay ka lang ba?
O may dinaramdam?
O may mabigat na pasanin?
Handa akong makinig.
Tutulungan kitang magbuhat
Katulad ng ginawa mo para sa akin.
Yun lang naman ay kung gugustuhin.
Ngunit kung di mo nais sabihin
Ikaw pa ri'y aking ipapanalangin.

Naipong Kwento

Anong gagawin
sa naipong kwento?
Itatago
o itatapon na lang?
Mahalaga pa ba?
Pakikinggan pa ba?
Sabi mo hindi ka nawala.
Sabi mo hindi ka mawawala.
Sabi mo...
kaibigan.

Ramdam ko ang lamig
Para kang naiinis
o irita
o iwas
o sadyang...
wala lang.

Bakit?

My friend, there is nothing compared to admitting that you need the Lord in the mess you are in. You can find comfort from the church. You can find temporary laughter in fellowships. You can keep yourself busy with work or even ministry. You can run away as far as you want with all those scheduled road trips. But if God has been raising a red flag, you have to stop.

Steady your heart and stop.

You need to stop so He can heal the wound. You can’t keep moving or else you will keep on bleeding. The wound will just get bigger and bigger.

And still, God will take the role of being your Healer.

He affirms you that it’s not a failed love story but it is a story that both of you can’t stay anymore. That someday, God will turn your love story to His story.

Even though you have resolved to believe that your joy has died, He tells you that He can breathe life to your dry bones.

When you feel that you are not valuable, remember: You are loved with an everlasting love. (Jeremiah 31:3)